Thank you for being my Mother!!

 My mom of 57 years, the wife of my father for 60 years and Gods magnificent work for 78 years passed away peacefully at home on January 20th, 2023.   I will miss her more than you can imagine, and I can imagine quite a bit, believe me.   Why do I feel so empty, why do I feel so alone?  I'll be honest, over the last year in my mom's failing health I started to pull back, I hated seeing her struggling with not only just living but having quality of life.  I wanted to have those long phone conversations like I used to do but it was hard.  I could tell she was struggling just to talk so I didn't want to be a burden.  When I saw her in the hospital after a corrected heart problem she looked well.  She was eating a burger and we talked for a while about kids, my band, traveling plans.  That was really the last enjoyable conversation I would have.  Future encounters were short and hard for her to manage. I feel bad her last year of life was such a struggle, she was always the persistent housewife and living at home unable to do those duties took its toll.  

    My mom loved to talk about the grandkids. She always wanted to know how they were doing and what's new.  I didn't live close, so I called from time to time, and she was always asking "how's Reagan, how's Rylee".  Not deep conversations but never less conversations that now I see were my validation.   Yes Validation.  My mom was my validation that I was being a great dad.  My kids had a split household, and many times in divorce kids ended up getting poor grades or have social problems.  Mine were always on the "A" honor roll and never left a path of problems to clean up.  Mom once asked me, "how did your kids end up so good", I would say, "luck of the draw I guess" but that is not the truth and I never told her the truth. The truth is "YOU!" You gave me the keys to the "kingdom of great parenting".  You planted the seed a long time ago when I was separating from my wife.  She told me "Always give your kids 100 percent". No lecture, no long talk, she simply said, give your kids 100 percent.  I soon realized what that meant.  

    In a divorce many times the kids are pawns for the parents.  You pay 50 percent and I'll pay 50 percent.  Then one parent pays 20 percent, and the kids suffer.  She said they are 100 percent your kids and if you give them 100 percent and the other parent chips in 20 then they get 120 percent.  Problem solved! That is all it took for me to realize what I had to do to be a good parent.  Just give them 100 percent. 

    As I look back at the conversations we had at Christmas, birthdays, weddings, and hundreds of phone calls, I realize not only I was getting my mom's validation, I think she was getting some also.  I only hope that I have surpassed her expectations in the father department.  That I have validated her work as a mother.  I know she is smiling in heaven. I know we will still talk, it will be a one-way conversation, but we will talk.  I can't wait to see you again and tell you what a great role model and parent you were, but I think someone up there has taken care of that for me.  I love you and will miss you mom.