Turn out the Lights

I have not always been one to conserve energy. Yes I leave my TV on in the bedroom while I'm watching TV in the living room. I leave my computer on 24/7, and I don't always shut off the porch light when I go to bed. I do believe in alternative energy. I don't mind seeing the 50 or so windmills outside of Kasson every time I come home to visit. I am a big fan of Solar. (Love the Sunshine anytime) Recently I had a friend get into low voltage lighting. Just think, you can tear out most of the neon lights and replace them with led's that are powered on just a nine volt battery. That's cool! Our building at work decided to conserve energy not by shutting off energy gulping computers and incandescent lights but by installing a motion light switch in the bathroom. Nifty Idea? Not really! Here's what happens...You go to the restroom and sit down and about 30 seconds later the light shuts off. Pitch black!! Your pants are around your knees, toilet paper in hand, you can't see a thing and the light switch is out of reach. Crap...Literally Crap. So I put the paper down and start waving my arms like I'm landing a F-16 on the deck of an aircraft carrier. About 10 seconds later the light comes on for 30 seconds, so it now becomes a race. Quickly wipe and reach for my pants...Crap..lights off again. The whole process starts over. Who the hell thought of this energy saver and why in the fartin' bathroom anyway? You have to go into the bathroom dancing a jig just to keep the motion light on. Now tell me how many guys are gonna hit the center of the toilet with that going on. I can see if you want to turn the lights out after 5-10 minutes but common 30 seconds. (yeah I went into the bathroom and timed it) We'll enough said. I still believe in energy conservation but please Mr. Electrician put my old light switch back and I promise to turn out the lights.

Black Friday

Black Friday! Sort of sounds like a horror movie doesn’t it? Well, unless you have been sleeping in a cave for the past two decades, you know that it is the day after Thanksgiving in which people rush out to their favorite stores at an obscene time in the morning all to save a dollar on the latest toy or electronic gizmo. The last couple of years the “First Lady” and I have gotten up at the crack of dawn and hit the local shops in search of the best deals. It all starts about a month in advance when the department store ads start hitting the underground websites. Every couple of days the “First Lady” will text me and inform me of which new ad can be viewed. Then about two weeks before the “day in black” arrives the grand daddy of all ads hits the web. This time there is a call, “The Wal-Mart ad is out, want to look at it tonight?” We spend 2 hours licking our lips, turning every web page back and forth, zooming in and out while reading every description like it’s a prescription bottle. Finally we have our strategy. We’ll get up at 2:45, get dressed, hit the local Kwik Trip for coffee and make it to the Wal-Mart in New Ulm by 3:40. We patiently wait for the doors to open then run inside grabbing everything in site. She goes one way I go the other. “What did you get?” I would inquire, “Got the camera, the plush Mickey and Mini, and a Crock pot.” When we are all done we head to another store then another hoping to find everything that is on the list. Some years we score big some…not so much. For the “First Lady” it’s the highlight of the year. I don’t think she would miss it for anything, (unless Garth Brooks asked her out on a date at 5am the day after Thanksgiving). Some people tailgate, others stand in line for the next IPhone, we wait in the dark of night in freezing cold weather to get deals on Stuff. This kind of activity is not for everyone, but for us, it’s our Super bowl! We cheer, we scream, we yell at the opposite team, but most of all we do it together. I’ve come to love “Black Friday” not for the deals, but for the trills, and for the chance to spend quality time with the “First Lady” ohhh... and by the way, I plan on getting a Blu-Ray Player for 79 bucks.

Santa is Coming to Town.

Tonight is the big night. Santa is at the mall and both #1 and #2 are giddy with anticipation. Soon the innocence of being young will give way to hanging out with friends and skipping the blessed Santa event all together. I remember back many years ago to when I was a youngster of about 5 years of age. I lived in Texas and my dad was in the Navy. We went to visit Santa, but not at the mall like most families do these days, we went to the Navy base to see Saint Nick arrive. I was standing outside with a group of kids watching him come closer and closer, I could see the rotors of the whirly bird as he landed in grand fashion. Yep that's right! Santa landed in a green helicopter. That was excitement! We didn't care about the stupid reindeer, this was a navy helicopter bringing in the North Pole's head honcho. I remember being so excited. Santa stepped off the chopper and went inside, sat down and did a few magic tricks while the helpers passed out candy. (At least that's what I recall) I don't remember any photos being taken, any $20-$30 picture packages being sold. Just Santa and a stinkin' huge Helicopter. I loved those simpler times. Today everything is so commercialized and everyone wants to sell you something. If I would have told the guy behind the camera "Skip the picture, the kids just want to hang with Santa"! We probably would have been escorted out of the mall. (Where's Paul Blart when you need him?) The Mall does have a nice set-up. Trees filled with lights, a fireplace backdrop, even a green fan that blows on Santa so he doesn't over heat in his bright red outfit. The kids are still a little shy, but they did manage to let Santa know that they wanted a Nintendo DS and a Go Diego Go Rescue pack. They each got a color book, we paid for the pictures and #1 and #2 had a pretzel at Target. I think the hype of seeing Santa is more exciting than the real thing, but I tell you what...If he showed up in a big green helicopter, all bets are off.

The Trip Part 3

We got out of the canoe and pulled it onshore. We are so excited about the catch that we didn't flip the canoe or tie it off. That would come back to haunt us. We grabbed the two stringers of fish and headed for the factory. We had set up an area that was like one of those Chinese fish factory boats you saw in a school reel-to-reel movie . We had our system down to a science and where able to filet a fish in under 30 seconds. Once filleted we would place two filets in a plastic zip-top bag and suck all the air out with a straw. (Who needs those fancy sealing machines) We would march the bounty back to the truck and into the chest freezer they would go. My dad had purchased this Coleman canvas tent that everyone slept in. They don't make them like that anymore! This thing was supported by steel I-beams and a girder structure that could hold an overpass. At night we all would sleep in this thing listening to the sounds of the wind blowing and the generator growling. Sort of made you feel like you were in down town New York. Like clockwork every night you would hear the generator spiting and sputtering, my brother would say "it's your turn to fill the thing with gas". Not wanting to argue and wake the sleeping snore fest, I would get up in my shorts, and peak out the front door to make sure the local bear population wasn't right out front, then I would run to the generator and slosh some fuel in, give a big pull and down town New York would come back to life. That night a strong storm blew in and knocked down trees, scattered the camp around, but never knocked down the tent. We put the camp back together then went down to the waters edge. Hmmm where’s the canoe? In the middle of the night the wind displaced our canoe somewhere out there and now we had no choice but to get the boat patched and perform a rescue mission. Dad set to work on the boat and by early afternoon she was ready for splash down. We piled in the boat, fired up the engine and out we went. The whole time I was in the boat I just stared at the patch where the hole used to be figuring any moment the patch would give way and we would sink to our deaths in the bottom of the lake. I really hated riding in the boat after that! We searched for hours, finally on the other side of the lake in a thicket of brush, “the canoe”. How did this thing make it this far and not tip over. What a miracle! We tied it off and back to camp we went. The entire week we caught fish after fish, sent them thru the assembly line and to the freezer. Finally time to go! We tore down the camp plied in the truck and off the Minnesota. We hit customs and the officer asked what our business in Canada had been? We said fishing and the catch is in bake in a frigidaire chest freezer. (Could you imagine what the customs agent thought? What the hell are they doing with a Chest freezer in the back of a pickup truck) We pulled off the side of the road and emptied the back so the agent could squeeze his head in the freezer and count the fish. After he counted about half the fish we convinced him we weren’t fish terrorist holding more than our limit hostage, and he let us on our way. We all made it home that evening in one piece. I said goodbye to Wilfred, grandpa, the chest freezer, generator, and 110 gallon bomb, put the camping supplies back in the garage, and I went inside the house for a well-earned vacation.

The Trip Part 2

We make our way up the road to the place where we are going to camp, the map said it was the Wathaman river, this thing looked like lake Michigan. We set up the tent and portable picnic table (got to have one of those), took the canoe off the top of the truck and put it in the river, finally we fill the generator with gas and start it up. What a noise! You don't have to worry about bears when you’re toting one of those things around. One would come to believe that since we made the effort to bring up a generator that we might have some electric luxuries too boot. Nope! The generator had one purpose, and that was to keep the chest freezer in the back of the pickup cold. In my previous post I didn't really explain the chest freezer. One might believe it is one of these Coleman type coolers that can keep 2 case of beer cold for a weekend. Wrong!!! This was a frigidaire chest freezer that could hold about 2 cows worth of meat, and we were going to fill it with fish. The next morning my father got in the truck, unplugged the freezer, and took off up the road (remember we're in Canada, you go up). Meanwhile my grandfather and Willfred headed out in the canoe in search of fish. Two miracles happened that day. Number one, the canoe came back into shore less than an hour later with two dry people and two stringers full of so many fish I had to do a double take. Number two, my father found a boat patching kit in the town 30 miles away. I want to lay this out for you so you can comprehend the size of this miracle. There is only one town at the END of the road, the last town in Canada before you end up in wilderness, and they happen to have a boat patching kit. Call me superstitious but I think the locals have seen this a time or two. After giving 2 pints of blood and maxing out every credit card, my father headed back with boat kit in hand and a plan to save the trip. My brother and I decided to go fishing and experience the fishing fever that happened earlier that day. We canoed a mile or so and put our lines in the water. All I can say next is that it was like being on a tuna boat. We were throwing back 2,3, and even 5 ponders. They were everywhere! The northerns were like piranhas that haven’t eaten in a month. Who needs a boat when a canoe will do. I should have never opened up my mouth.

The Trip Part 1

Ever went on a trip so outrageous that the memory stays with you for life. I have quite a few from my childhood but there is this one that stands out so vividly, not only do I remember it, I'm going to have to divide it into 3 parts. So here it goes... Anyone that knows my father knows he likes to fish. I swear to God he was born with a fishing pole in one had and a tackle box in the other. My father had purchased a new boat, at least it was new to us, and mapped out our summer trip. Hmmm... where to this year? What about Canada? 2500 miles north to be exact. Where does that take you? About 30 miles from where the roads just end. The trip consisted of my father, grandfather, friend of his named Wilfred, and my brother and I. Wilfred brought his jeep pickup with a topper on the back and a full size chest freezer. Don't ask...I'll tell you later. Looking at the set up I was a little confused, if the three grownups are riding in the front where are we to ride? The boat? No we got the comfy aluminium lawn chairs with the plastic woven straps set up in the back. The view we had for the next 3 days was looking out a dirty piece of Plexiglass at the front of the boat. Fantastic!! We packed the truck and boat with everything we could think of including two 55 gallon drums we would fill up with fuel later in the trip. We waved goodbye to mom and hit the road. I don't know what we did for the first two days but I do remember the last day. About noon we stopped at this old filling station and got out for a stretch. My brother and I got a funny looking can of soda and Wilfred filled up the two 55 gallon drums in the back of the boat with unleaded. Think about it...My bother and I were sandwiched between a chest freezer and a 110 gallon bomb that was strapped to the middle of the boat we were pulling. We pulled off the pavment onto a gravel road, or what you might call a gravel road. In Minnesota gravel is small nickle sized rocks, in Canada, gravel is a sand road with chunks of bedrock sticking out. After traveling about 4 hours my father put on the brakes and suddenly pulled over. We all piled out to see that the 1929 boat trailer we were pulling had gotten a flat tire. What had happened is that there was so much weight from the 110 gallon bomb we were pulling that it broke a cross member in the boat and the boat leaned on the fender which in turn cut the tire. This was nothing, my father could fix anything as long as he had a hot glue gun and duck tape. We all pulled the boat over and got the fender off , he then grabbed the spare tire and got us back on the road. A couple of hours later as the boulders got bigger and the sand more scarce we pulled over again to inspect the boat. To our surprise the tire was fine, the boat had tipped again and the tire had rubbed a HOLE in the bottom of the boat. Lets take inventory! I was 2500 miles from home in a different country, 8 hours from civilization in the back of a pickup, squeezed next to a full size chest freezer, staring at a 110 gallon bomb and a boat with a hole in the bottom. It gets much better I guarantee!

Planting Seeds

Apple pie, apple crisp, Carmel'd apples, apples cider...shall I go on? If you've ever taken Hwy 169 North out of Mankato you probably have stopped just outside Jordon at what I call the Apple Store. This place should be called "you wanna be a kid again"? Not only does the Apple Store have 15 varieties of apples, they have every type of candy I grew up with. Bit-o-honey, pop rocks, even those candy cigarettes that today are so politically incorrect. (I wonder if you have to eat them outdoors?) I found REAL Maple syrup, not just one brand but about twenty. Apple smoked jerky, apple shaped cookie cutters, even a giant Pixi stick that stood about 3 feet tall. Every isle was laid out by tastes and stacked neatly on the wooden shelves that reminded me of a country store right out of the 1950's. The "First Lady" was on a mission for some sugary frogs, I had to investigate the many choices of REAL maple syrup. #1 and #2 looked at all the different and strange sugary sweets shouting out every 2 minutes...Dad dad, look at this!! I'll bet they each thought they had landed in Charley's chocolate factory. Once and a while I would drift over to the apples and carve off a chunk or two, "hmmm" I thought "good for baking or just eating"? Finally time to go (whenever it's time to go I always yell out like a train conductor "Time to Go lets get a move on"). We made our way to the cashier, reached for my wallet and... "No credit cards excepted" the sign read "but we happily take checks". Never in my lifetime will I see a sign like that. The "First Lady" wrote out a check and we all piled into the car with a cornucopia of goodies that consisted of; Three bags of pop rocks, One pint of REAL maple syrup, a candy necklace kit in its own suitcase, one peck of harlson apples (for baking) and a 3 foot Gumball machine with four pounds of Gumball's. As I look back I think not only did we enjoy shopping that day, I planted a seed with my kids for many years to come. I don't think we'll be able to drive past the Apple Store without stopping and hearing someone say " Dad are we going to stop, I need more Gumball's"?

Happy Anniversary

Today is my parents 47th anniversary. How things have changed in 47 years. I could go on about how bread was a nickel and gas was a quarter, but what I was thinking is how two people have stayed together for almost half a century. The cool thing is that I got to experience those 47 years firsthand. I grew up in a house where there was always a mom and dad. I can't say things were always a bed of roses, but I don't remember that many thorns either. The things that stick out in my mind are the kisses my dad gave mom every time he came home or left for work. The uneasiness my mom felt when dad was away on a trip or the frustration dad felt when he was directing kid traffic while mom was gone. This to me is all part of the process of staying together. My mom once told me it took her 15 years to understand dad. Now days couples don't give each other 15 minutes. I can't personally say what the magic formula is for staying together all these years, but I know they have a great respect for one another as well as a deep love for their family. I've experienced almost a half century of two people giving and taking the best from each other, and I can't tell you how proud I am to be a part of it all. So mom and dad...here's to an achievement I will never match but can be a part of for many years to come. What a gift it is to be your son, and what an honor it is to have you both as parents. I love you both very much and by the way... HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

The Best Day Ever

Saturday, I had planned to go shopping with the "first Lady", #1, and #2. I got up early, got dressed and went to work hoping to get done in time to leave by 11 am. The goal was to go to Burnsville Shopping Mall to find clothes for a photo shoot the family is having on Wednesday. I made it home by 10:30, gathered up the kids, the "First Lady", the DVD Players, blankets, toys, snacks, (good grief you'd think we were driving to California). One hour later we arrived at the mall, and that's when it happened. The Kids saw the big purple sign outside, you parents know the one, the one with the giant "Mouse" titled.... Headache please! I didn't want to be hated for the rest of my life so I said we would go after we found clothes. "DAD that's like ten hours from now!" Yep, and I was going to use it as leverage the entire time. We went around the mall, upstairs, downstairs, in one store and out of another, finally the time had arrived. Both the kids are now at full attention and the only thing they can think of is complete toy ecstasy. Webster's dictionary should describe "Chaos" as "a Saturday afternoon at Chuck E Cheese's". We enter the building and get our matching glow-in-the-dark tattoos, then proceed to the counter to order the pizza and token-up. I give the kids ten coins apiece and send them packing, "this should last a while". Three minutes later #2 is at my side with four tickets and no tokens. Can I have more? For an hour and a half all I could do was deal out tokens and try not to get run over by hundreds of kids doing the exact same thing as my kids. When it was all said and done, the kids each got a toy and a new t-shirt to wear to school, the "First Lady" got to play some video games and get her fill of Cherry Coke, and I got to watch a big purple mouse teach my kids the chicken dance. We finally made it home, everyone exhausted and worn out from the long day, and as I put #1 to bed, she gave me a hug and said" Dad, I had the best day ever", if she only knew that I did too!

Hows the Weather?

What is the most talked about subject on the planet? Politics, Religion? ahhhh yes you guessed it, the weather! I really can't think of a conversation I've had with anyone without some mention of the weather. Nice car! Yeh I picked a beautiful day to drive it. What are you going to do this weekend? Gonna take the kids to the zoo, weather looks awesome. How are you today Jim? Pretty good considering how cold it been. I really want to know how did the weather get top billing in every conversation? About twenty years ago a group of business men got together and decided to launch a cable TV show about the weather. Everyone said it was going to fail. "Nobody cares about the weather", ohhh how wrong they were. Nobody could ever get that much publicity, not in a thousand lifetimes. The other day I had called the Mayo Clinic to get some records faxed to me. While I waited the conversation turned to the nice day outside. It got me thinking. Maybe it's just us Minnesota natives that do so much talking about the weather. Do you think in Hawaii they say, "hmmm 80 and sunny again". I believe we talk about weather because it's always changing. We talk about our children because their always changing. We built a new outdoor stadium for the Twins. Why? Because we want to experience the change in weather. I think life is all about change. I know my life has changed dramatically over the last 25 years. It hasn't always been good but it's always changed. The next time some one asks, "Hows the Weather" tell them your waiting for it to change.

Killing them with Kindness

Any one who has flown for business knows how stressful it can be. Last year I got to fly to Atlanta for my first business trip. The whole excursion was a bunch of firsts for me, so I couldn't wait to go. I was to leave on a Thursday to install a new phone system for one of our companies, test and train the staff, stay the weekend and fly out on Tuesday. Sounds pretty straight forward, (I have learned nothing is straight forward anymore). I packed my bags, got the rental car and headed to the twin cites to begin my journey. I got to the airport around 5 pm, went to the counter to check in and guess what? My reservation code would not work. After 30 minutes with the check in lady (not sure what you call them now days) I got my boarding pass and got through security. "That's the worst of it" I thought...yeh right!! As I walk up to the gate I take a look at the plane through the window. This thing looks like some 1945 WWII bomber that was taken out of storage just for my flight. The inside was worse, it smelled like a cramped hospital waiting room full of flu victims. I made my way to one of the last rows (not the very last row, that was reserved for the crying baby behind me) but one right next to the, you guessed it, ENGINE! I took my seat on the isle, then gave a little wave and said "hi" to the vary attractive lady next to the window. As we got closer to departure my luck had to change and sure enough here comes this sweaty guy who looks like he just did a forty yard dash across the airport. I looked around to see if there was any other empty seats, no such luck. He squeezes his 300 lbs frame between me and miss hotie and proceeds to take off his coat exposing the four gallon wet stains under his arms. Hang on it gets better.... Half way thru the flight he orders a drink, and as he as he turned to talk to his new best friend sitting by the window he spills the beverage all the way down my leg. He then slurps the last of the drink, and proceeds to tell me where all the strip clubs in Atlanta reside. Now what the hell am i supposed to do with that information! We finally land and I make it off the plane smelling like I just stumbled out of one of those local hangouts that were so elegantly described to me earlier in the trip. I get to the rental car kiosk and present my managers credit card for my car and I'm told...."ahh this aint your card buddy, so you aint getting a no car"! WTF!! So lets take inventory so far...Sat in front of a screaming baby, endured a stinky drunk guy with a potty mouth, I smell like a wino, have two hours to drive and no one is going to rent me a car. FANTASTIC!!! I assessed my situation and decided to turn on my southern charm. (Spent the first 5 years of my life in southern Texas, I guess that qualifies.) I took a chance and got on a bus that dropped me off at a different rental place only a few short miles away. I walked up to the counter and smiled like I owned the place, pulled out the card and said "Howdy Mame I'd like to rent one of your nicest cars". She didn't blink twice "We'll get you out of here in no time flat Mr. Thompson". She handed me the keys to a beautiful 2003 Mitsubishi eclipse that looked like it had been used in a scene from "Days of Thunder", gave me a wink and said "we'll see ya'll on Tuesday". I don't think James Bond could have been any smoother. The rest of the trip went good. I got the phones installed, had my fill at the local Waffle House and made it back home on the same credit card and big smile. Just goes to prove that when your in a jam and things look bleak "Kill them with Kindness"

Worth the Weight Loss??

Every couple of years it seams like I start to gain weight again. I've been on this slow roller coaster ride for the last 15 years of "gain 30 pounds...Loose 30 pounds". This isn't the wild Oprah Winfrey ups and downs of the 80's but its enough to make me want to get in shape again. So I joined the gym and decided to started bulking up and slimming down. I packed my gym bag and decided to go over lunch hour. Promptly at noon I made my way down to the local YMCA to "get my sweat on". My first trip back was a memorable one. I forgot my ipod, headphones, and you guessed it..underwear. I was determined to not let this hold me back, so I grabbed my old trusty over the ear headphones, my cell phone (loaded with God only knows what type of music), and jumped on the EFX machine for a good intense workout. What a show!! headphones falling off every time I looked down at the clock, sweat greasing up my glasses, and reaching in my pocket every 5 minutes to change the Barry Manalow type song that filled my ears with that "not so motivational music". After surviving 20 minutes of heart pounding jogging I made my way back to the locker room only to find out I had left my locker keys in the locker. Hmmm that's a good place to keep them. Crap! Back out to the floor I went looking for someone that could open the door. I finally got showered up and headed for the car. Hmmmm wear are my car keys? In my locker? (I didn't know loosing weight came with rapid memory loss). With my knees still wobbling from the intense 20 minutes of soft rock running, I staggered down the stairs and found my keys just wear i left them...Locker number 21. As I left the building I felt good, I felt as though I accomplished something. I had a sense of pride, I came.. I saw.. I concord. Is this Worth the Weight loss? The answer I can say is definitely YES!

Wheel's on the Slot go 'Round and 'Round

Since the band is on a temporary hiatus and I didn't have #1 and #2 Halloween night, the "First Lady" and I decided to go entertain ourselves. Do we go to the local bar and hang out??? Naaaaa, lets do something we haven't done for a while. So out the door and to the casino we went. I was always taught that casino's are a bad place to go where in 15 minutes you will be drained of your life savings. Playing in a band brought me to my share of casino's and I've learned a thing or two. If you play smart you can have a lot of fun for a few bucks. It is the truth that casino's are not in the business of handing out more money than they take in, but playing smart will keep you entertained for many hours. The "First Lady" and I arrived about 7 pm. WOW...where do we start. Up and down the rows we went stopping here and there, winning a little and loosing a little. By the time I looked at my watch it was 2 AM. In total we where there 8 hours and spent a total of $11.46. Where can you go these days for 8 hours of entertainment on ten bucks? I can't tell you the last time I had that much fun for that long on almost nothing. So the Wheels on the slots went round and round, we both took a little chance, came home very late and felt like winners.